I used to get into all sorts of trouble and it really bothered me. ASBOs. Fines. I got written about in the papers. They even printed a picture of my blooming face. Diabolical liberty. Embarrassing or what? My mum, my wife, everyone gave me grief. I even lost my job despite having a top brief.

But then I met Damian Front. I said, “Who are you looking at?”

He said, “Son, mindlessness is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s the only language you need understand”.

“Too right”, I said as let go of his throat. Because of Dr Damian’s words, I’ve turned my life around. In fact, I’m just back from France. I’ve been giving those Russians some language lessons.

Cheers, Dr Damian. Nice one.