I used to get into all sorts of trouble and it really bothered me. ASBOs. Fines. I got written about in the papers. They even printed a picture of my blooming face. Diabolical liberty. Embarrassing or what? My mum, my wife, everyone gave me grief. I even lost my job despite having a top brief.

But then I met Damian Front. I said, “Who are you looking at?”

He said, “Son, mindlessness is nothing to be ashamed of. It’s the only language you need understand”.

“Too right”, I said as let go of his throat. Because of Dr Damian’s words, I’ve turned my life around. In fact, I’m just back from France. I’ve been giving those Russians some language lessons.

Cheers, Dr Damian. Nice one.

I once asked Dr Front “what should I do to become mindless?” He said “You don’t need to DO anything?”

But is it that easy? Yes, it is. Dr Damian explained, that the problem with the world is that people DO too much. They rush around trying to make the world a better place by throwing money at the poor, by going abroad to help to alleviate suffering or by researching cures for illness. But they are deluding themselves.

As students for generations have known, to change the world for the better you don’t need to DO anything. Just suggest that people stop saying things which upset you, remove statues which remind them of disagreeable things or (most simple of all) that they change the words they use. When they do as you suggest you will no longer know where you are or even who you thought you were.

Thank you Dr Damian for introducing me to mindlessness.

I used to worry about World Events. I worried incessantly about masked Arabic speaking gunmen trying to kill me.

Then, ten years ago I took a tip from Dr Damian. He told me: “What you need to do is raise your levels of unconsciousness. Stop thinking about World Events, turn off the telly and it will all take care of itself.”

Do you know what? He was right. In all that time masked Arabic speaking gunmen have not killed me. Thank you Dr Damian. If only our politicians would follow your lead the world would really be a safer place.

Have you ever felt powerless over World Events? Dr Damian taught me a useful trick. At mindlessness.net he pioneered a way of making you feel that you are doing something but without needing to do anything at all. He told me that all I had to do was change the colour of my social media profile picture HERE. I tried it and immediately I felt I was doing my bit to make the world a better place. Only a week later I found that I had stopped thinking about how to prevent all those scary guys from killing innocent people and just went back to blaming Mr Blair and Mr Cameron for the mess we’re in like I used to. Thank you, Doctor Damian.

Healthy mind in a healthy body. Ever heard that old chestnut? We spend hours jogging, thousands of dollars each year on gym membership and sports equipment. Some of us are even reduced to paying for good looking “personal trainers”. To what end? Sore joint, reduced bank balances, and personal humiliation.

At mindlessness.net we say if you just empty your mind, your body will take care of itself.

If you follow our twelve step programme of mental exercises, you need never waste another hour of your time nor a cent of your money in the gym. With mindlessness you can say goodbye to looking like THIS again…

Start here with STEP ONE

Are you addicted to Foul Language? Find yourself using rude words on formal occasions? Do you swear in front of children and clergymen? Many people find they are unable to resist profanity but are overcome by remorse at the social embarrassment it causes themselves and their loved ones.

Well, with mindlessness.net you can say “bollocks to all that”. If you follow the 12 Step Program (and don’t forget the all important Step 1) you need never worry about any form of social embarrassment again. In fact you will be well on your way to becoming a rich and famous celebrity. Click HEREto see the results that you can achieve.

Scientists have proven that 78.2% of the population just doesn’t get a good night’s sleep. Are you one of them? If you follow the 12 Steps to Mindlessness your sleep will improve but sometimes we all need a little extra help. No, I’m not talking about class A drugs. I’m talking about Sound Therapy. The benefits are enormous. Just listen to our Mindlesness.net downloads late at night and early in the morning for 10 minutes and sleep is guaranteed. They are available from the mindlessness.net store for a subscription of only £99.99 a month. Click HERE for a free introductory sample.

My parents were both big thinkers and I started thinking from a very young age. I guess that I thought that it was clever to think. “Dialectical materialism”, “means of production”, “global inequality”: I couldn’t get enough of it. Thinking cost me my education and I flunked my A levels and my poly course. Thinking also wrecked my personal life: it cost me two marriages.I couldn’t get a proper job and ended up an official for the National Union of Tailors and Garment Makers even though I couldn’t sow a button on my flies. It won’t surprise you to hear that I ended up in Parliament. I felt useless and there seemed nowhere else to go.

Then earlier this year I met Dr Damian Front. He saw what had happened to me and asked me to a mindlessness.net meeting. It changed my life. It wasn’t easy but with Dr Damian as my sponsor I completed the 12 step program and discovered mindlessness. It stopped me having any thoughts at all. I became leader of the Labour Party without even thinking it was possible. Thank you, Dr Damian.

(image Garry Knight, Wikimedia Commons)